Two destructive forces within us make true community difficult. We are born with strong desires to (1) be liked and (2) get our way.

These drives make it difficult to tell the truth. When we love to be loved (when we love, too much, to be loved), we’ll tell people what they want to hear. The cost is telling them what they need to hear. When we want to get our way, we’ll tell people anything they will believe in order to leverage them to our agenda.

(Agendas aren’t bad, everyone has an agenda, good leaders have great agendas. It’s hidden agendas that are insidiously destructive.)

These drives also make it difficult to show grace. The fear of rejection and sting of defeat leads to judging others. If they don’t like me, I better catalogue all their faults. If they won’t help me achieve my goals, they obviously have something wrong with them.

A commitment to honesty and grace is a commitment to set aside flattery and manipulation.

We need to be like Jesus, who was a man of truth, and had nothing false about him (John 7:18). We need to speak the truth in love so that we can build one another up (Ephesians 4:15).

When we have a problem with someone, let’s say it…let’s say it after we’ve already forgiven the person. Have grace before you have their apology.

When you are confronted, accept it gracefully…forgive the other person, and forgive yourself. Holding on to guilt doesn’t help anyone and it doesn’t “even the scales.”

You can’t say everything you think, it must be tested. You can’t say everything that has been tested, there must be a good chance of it being heard. We must become a team who wants to hear the truth, even if it’s painful.

QUESTION: how does this post personally challenge your leadership? That may be a tough one to respond to publicly! (but we’ll still give it a shot)

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